A Chance to Share

I'm sitting here in a bit of a quandary.  One, in less than 40 days (37 to be exact) we'll be meeting with the IVF dr to discuss our next steps.  I have to admit, this makes me very scared.  I'm still not down in weight to where I need to be and I'm struggling with the scale all the way around.

Also, in May, I'll be sharing my story, this story, with the ladies at my church.  I'm going to invite some friends of mine to come and be there for moral support too.  I'm praying about what direction it needs to take, but I know I want to talk about my past and everything that I have endured to be in a place where I am now where I can see God's hand in whatever comes my way.  I'm sure many of the things I've shared in this blog will come up in my talk.  And that's OK, I want to speak from my heart and share how I'm still able to praise Him through everything.

And by everything--I mean EVERYTHING!!  To highlight...  I lost my brother to suicide 2 days before my 19th birthday.  I lived as a missionary in LA for 1 year living on less than $200/month.  My mother developed cirrhosis of the liver and was on the transplant list for 7 years.    I married an abusive man who made my life a living hell for 5 months.  I LEFT an abusive relationship when I knew my life would be threatened for doing so.  I raised a child on my own for the first 3 years of his life.  I lost my mother to the disease that had made her sick for so long after she received her life-changing transplant.  I suffered infertility for 4 years while me and my husband struggled to know the cause.  And ultimately....I lost an infant child just a day after we welcomed him into this world.  Things change you and every one of the above listed events has changed my life.  I'm not the same person I was before I lost my brother.  I'm not the same person I was before my mother died and I'm certainly not the same person I was before Tyler went to Heaven.  And I'll never be that person again.  Those life moments change you and mold you into who you will become.  And I believe that it's your reaction to those moments that mold you into the person that God wants you to be.  Our reactions make us who we are...the good, the bad and the ugly.

I'm excited about my chance to share, but I'm also very nervous.  I take the opportunities like this that are given very seriously and cover them with prayer.  I want to see people changed and moved by what I say.  I know people are watching my every move, but now I want them to see my every step and know that it is God that has held me as I journey down this sorrow stricken road.

Till next time....

Kathy